Amy Farrah Fowler's Big Day
by xenon3000
Summary: Amy Farrah Fowler's wedding to Sheldon Cooper may not be the happiest day of her life...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: "The Big Bang Theory" belongs to Warner Brothers.**

"Aachoo!"

Amy Farrah Fowler sneezed. Hard.

She had been asleep. But the sensation of being about sneeze woke her up.

Her hands felt moist...but not with water.

Amy turned on the light. In her hands were drops of blood.

She sat up. There was blood on her pillow too.

Now she was glad Sheldon was not here to see this. He had left for work early today without her noticing. She, on the other hand, chose to take the day off work. Today was the day Amy would finally marry Sheldon.

Six months ago, Sheldon asked Amy to retrieve test tubes out of the centrifuge. There was an engagement ring around one of the test tubes. At that point, Sheldon asked, "Amy Farrah Fowler, will you marry me?"

Amy went cuckoo with her response. "Yes! And in case you didn't hear me...Yes, yes, YES to the twelfth power!"

Now the big day had finally arrived. Amy was perfectly calm and composed when she went to sleep the night before. Now she was more nervous than she anticipated, more nervous than she had ever been in her entire life, especially considering her current condition.

 _What if I end up sneezing non-stop through the ceremony and the reception? What if my nose starts bleeding again? What if I sneeze blood on Sheldon's face as we say our vows?_

She left the bedroom and walked to the apartment's main living area. Looking out the window, she saw the sky was filled with gray clouds. It looked like it could rain any second.

What would be worse-arriving at the church in a soaked wedding dress, or arriving at the church with blood trickling out of one or both of her nostrils? Both possibilities made her cringe.

What if she arrived with a wet dress and a bloody nose?

Would her wedding day be the day of her dreams...or of her worst nightmares?

 **To be continued...**


	2. Chapter 2

Amy had two big threats to her happiness today-her health and the weather.

She could not do anything about the weather. But maybe she could make herself feel or at least look better.

Maybe there was a discrete way she could plug her nose. Drops of blood would clearly be more noticeable than drops of water.

But first, she needed to reduce the likelihood of her sneezing. So she used mouthwash, swishing it back and forth in her mouth for several minutes.

She then looked at the clock. It was 9:46 AM. The ceremony would begin at 7:00 PM. Penny and Bernadette would arrive at 5:00 PM to help her get ready. Bernadette would be her maid of honor, and she was in charge of delivering Amy's wedding dress, slippers, and veil.

Amy decided she needed to conceal any and all evidence of her illness from Penny and Bernadette. Especially Bernadette. Bernadette was becoming more paranoid about germs since Halley was born. Penny would merely annoy Amy by asking if she wanted to reschedule the ceremony over and over again.

Maybe Amy could see a doctor. But who could she make an appointment with in the next nine hours without going to the emergency room? So Amy decided to handle things herself.

She used the scientific method. First she measured the height and diameter of her nostrils. Then she made three possible plugs to absorb any blood that might trickle out. One was made of Kleenex tissues. The second was made of toilet paper. The third was made of paper towels.

Then she took a sample of liquid from an ink dropper and squirted it onto each test sample. The liquid was chocolate syrup. Paper towels turned out to be the most absorbent.

She stuffed the paper towel wadding into her nose.

But in a few minutes she removed it. It was too itchy.

So she used toilet paper instead. It was the second most absorbent, and it felt much better.

Then she thought of more scientific testing to perform. How much wild dancing could she do before the plugs popped out?

She jumped up and down more than a dozen times. She nodded her head vigorously and continuously for ten whole minutes. She breathed out through her nose as hard as she possibly could. The plugs did not budge.

Then she heard a unpleasant sound.

A sound that was the last sound she wanted to hear right now.

She looked out the window. It was raining. Hard.

 **To be continued even further...**


	3. Chapter 3

Amy turned on her laptop computer and began doing some web browsing.

First, she looked up nosebleeds, finding an informative article on a trustworthy site. Doing so made her feel incredibly stupid, because it said inserting items into your nostrils to control a nosebleed was a bad idea. However, it also said if you had already plugged a nostril, attempting to remove the plug would be a bad idea because it could make the nose start bleeding again.

Then she looked up rainy wedding days. She found several great photos on Google Image Search. One stunning photo showed a husband and wife kissing under an umbrella, and all the rain drops were transformed into miniature stars by the camera flash. They appeared to be enjoying themselves in spite of the downpour.

Amy looked out the window again. It was still raining. Was it raining as hard now as it was for the couple in the photo? Or harder?

 _Maybe I shouldn't have spent so much money on my wedding gown._

She needed a better form of reassurance. Video would work. So she headed to YouTube.

She found video footage of a rainy wedding day. Specifically, footage of the royal wedding on May 22, 2004, when Letizia Ortiz married Prince Felipe of Spain. It was raining very hard when Letizia arrived at the cathedral, but when she got into the cathedral, you would never have guessed that she came in from a torrential deluge outside.

That helped Amy relax. Slightly.

First off, the video footage was low-quality and nowhere near the resolution of reality or 4K or even high definition. Maybe all the guests in the cathedral were aghast when they saw how Letizia looked, being able to see what no camera could. Then again, there was only one way Letizia could enter the church, and she probably did not want to keep her fiancé or the guests waiting.

So Amy decided to solve the only problem that appeared solvable at the moment.

Her nose.

She approached the kitchen sink apprehensively. Her finger attempted to enter her left nostril, and then she stopped. What if she removed the plug and blood splattered away from the sink? So she placed a few paper towels to the left and right of the sink, on the floor in front of the sink, and even taped some paper towels to the wall. Better to get blood on a few paper towels and metal than on satin and lace.

She began to remove the plug from her left nostril. It took several tries to get a good grip on the plug using only two fingers. Easy...slowly...careful...limit horizontal motion...yay! It came out without a drop. And the plug itself was as white as snow.

Now for her right nostril. Steady...steady...take a slow deep breath...pause...keep going...almost there...done!

However, this plug was stained red with blood.

She turned back to her computer. She did some more browsing and found that nosebleeds could be prevented by applying Vaseline to the inside of the nose with a Q-tip. So Vaseline would be her new nasal plug. It would not have to be removed, and she could easily breathe through her nose if she needed to. Amy applied Vaseline to both nostrils just to be safe.

Amy ate lunch. She left her apartment and walked up and down the stairway multiple times to calm her nerves.

She wondered why it was considered okay for brides to show up late for their wedding ceremony. She did not want to be late. Part of her hoped that Penny and Bernadette would arrive right now and demand that she get ready and get in the limo. That actually sounded appealing. If Sheldon and all the guests were already at the church, why not have the ceremony right then and there and get it over with?

But that did not happen. Time slowed to a crawl, as it usually does when waiting for something or someone. The four hours Amy spent waiting for Penny and Bernadette felt like several weeks to Amy.

At 4:30 PM, Amy returned to her apartment. If Penny and Bernadette knocked at the door and she did not answer, what would they think?

At 4:55 PM, there was a knock at the door.

It was Penny and Bernadette.

Now the reality of what Amy was about to do hit her with the force of a Maglev train moving at top speed.

And her blood pressure elevated sharply.

 **Still more to come...**


	4. Chapter 4

"Hellloooooo, Mrs. Sheldon Cooper!" exclaimed Penny.

"Your amendment of my full English name is premature," Amy said. "I'm not Mrs. Sheldon Cooper yet. Once we say our vows and are pronounced husband and wife, feel free to call me Mrs. Sheldon Cooper an infinite number of times if you wish.". Amy paused, feeling a little bad about scolding Penny on a joyous occasion. "But thank you."

"Are you ready to be transformed into the most beautiful bride in the history of mankind?" asked Bernadette.

"I do not believe it is possible for me to be the most beautiful bride in the history of mankind for several reasons," Amy answered. "First, I will be wearing eyeglasses and possess multiple additional criterion that lower my attractiveness in a purely visual sense. Secondly, our combined monetary assets are but a tiny fraction of the monetary assets of royal families and Hollywood movie studios. Third, unless an asteroid or comet destroys all traces of humanity in the near future, the history of mankind is far from complete, so at best, you will be able to transform me into the most beautiful bride in the history of mankind up to this point. However, feel free to attempt to prove me wrong. Just keep in mind that the odds will never be in your favor."

Bernadette helped Amy into her wedding gown. Penny attached Amy's veil, crowned Amy with the same tiara Sheldon had purchased for her years ago, and applied makeup.

Before they left, they took a few pictures. (Your definition of few may differ from theirs.)

First, Penny and Bernadette took individual shots of each other in their green bridesmaid dresses. Then Amy took shots of Penny and Bernadette. Then they used the camera's automatic timer to take pictures of all three of them. There were shots of Penny and Amy, along with shots of Bernadette and Amy. Finally, Penny took several shots of Amy.

It was now 6:01 PM. Time to go. Thunder rumbled and lightning flashed.

"Do you have umbrellas?" asked Amy.

"We have fourrrrr!" Penny responded.

They walked down the stairs together to the apartment complex front door, where the limousine was waiting.

Bernadette walked out the door first. She deployed both her umbrellas, holding one in each hand. Bernadette took one step to her right, and motioned for Penny to join her. Penny was the next person out, deploying both her umbrellas next to Bernadette's.

Now there was a square of four umbrellas. And Amy stepped into the middle of the square.

As they walked forward, Amy was grateful that Penny and Bernadette had gone the extra mile to help her stay dry. However, she could still feel raindrops hitting her feet and hear minute splashes with every step she took.

She felt some moisture beneath her nose. Was it blood? Or mucus? Or just water?

She discreetly stuck out her tongue, if such a thing was possible, and ran it across the skin between her lips and her nose, hoping Penny and Bernadette did not notice.

It was just water, thankfully.

When they reached the limousine, Amy climbed in first, followed by Penny and Bernadette. The driver closed the door.

And then the vehicle started moving. They were on their like way.

Amy looked down at her gown. Was it still...No, it was actually more beautiful than it was before she went into the rain. The raindrops actually sparkled like tiny spherical jewels around the hem of the skirt. She stretched her legs, allowing her feet to be seen. Her plain white slippers now looked more like they were encrusted in diamonds.

Amy asked Penny to take pictures of the raindrops on her skirt and slippers-with the flash on. Penny did. Amy gasped in astonishment when she saw the results on the camera's screen.

CLUNK!

The once-level limousine pitched downward like a plane entering a steep dive, coming to rest at a 45 degree angle.

Amy was really glad she had worn her seatbelt, as were Penny and Bernadette.

Amy glanced around to see what happened. What happened was more awful than what she had been frittering about when she woke up this morning.

They had fallen into a sinkhole.

 **Uh-oh. Stay tuned for the next chapter...**


	5. Chapter 5

All three women tried to find a way out.

The door would not budge. And all the side windows were surrounded with dirt.

There was only one way out. Through the back window.

Bernadette began trying to kick the window out. No luck.

While Bernadette kept kicking, Amy and Penny searched the limo for something hard. Everything was soft.

So Amy knocked on the front of the passenger compartment. "Do you have a solid metallic cylinder with you, and if so, may we please utilize it to break the rear window and get to the church on time?"

The panel slid down, and the driver handed them a fire extinguisher. "Use this. Whatever damage you do will be minor compared to the damage done by this hole, believe me."

Amy handed Bernadette the fire extinguisher, and Bernadette broke the rear window into thousands of tiny squares with just one swing. Bernadette and Penny deployed one umbrella each, climbed out, and once their feet were on solid ground, they deployed the other two umbrellas. Bernadette was on the driver's side, Penny on the passenger side.

Amy proceeded to climb out. It will still raining hard. But now they had a bigger problem.

They had no idea where they were. And none of them had cellphones.

So they ended up having to ask a stranger for directions to the church. Just as the stranger finished his explanation, a tow truck pulled up alongside the limo. They began their long walk to the church.

And they walked...

And walked...

And walked...

When they finally reached the church, it was 6:54 PM. Six minutes to spare.

Amy rushed to the ladies room with Penny and Bernadette. All three of them had water droplets all over their bodies. Bernadette and Penny dried off Amy with paper towels before drying themselves off. Then Bernadette and Penny took their places.

7:00 PM. It was time.

Amy walked down the aisle smiling. As Sheldon grew bigger, so did her smile.

When Amy reached Sheldon, Sheldon complimented, "You look more beautiful than a pyramid of diamonds one mile tall on a sunny day with a rainbow in the background."

The minister read his little sermon, and then turned to Sheldon and Amy.

"Do you, Sheldon Cooper, take this woman, Amy Farrah Fowler, to be your lawfully wedded wife?" asked the minister.

"I do to the power of infinity squared," answered Sheldon.

"And do you, Amy Farrah Fowler, take this man, Sheldon Cooper, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do with every cell, molecule, atom, proton, neutron, electron and quark in and on my body," answered Amy.

"By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Amy and Sheldon kissed.

Then something went wrong as Sheldon pulled away.

Something Amy never imagined happening.

As Sheldon raised his head, he inadvertently knocked Amy's eyeglasses and tiara to the ground.

Sheldon apologized. Amy forgave him. "Your performance was the best where it mattered most. You said I do, and a whole lot more. Nothing that goes wrong today, tomorrow, or in the century to come can change that."

Sheldon breathed a big sigh of relief.

And then Amy learned something new about Sheldon.

He had been just as nervous and apprehensive as her.

 **The end. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.**


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